Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Patti Stanger, star and executive producer of “The Millionaire Matchmaker,” brings her no-nonsense advice for helping singles find love to Mayo Performing Arts Center Feb. 7 at 7:30 p.m.
Beloved for her sassy straight talk, the third-generation matchmaker, who’s recently re-entered the dating pool (proving coaches do play), spoke with NJNext.com and shared her tips for navigating the often-harrowing app-based world of dating.
When it comes to creating a profile that’ll prevent prospects from swiping left, Stanger starts by focusing on photos.
“Candid shots better than professional shots but I think you should mix those up,” she says. “They shouldn’t be all staged shots like you’re a blogger on Instagram, but you also need that candid ‘Hey, I just went to yoga class and my friend took a goofy photo of me,’ shot instead of the selfie thing. They want to see an activity. I don’t think it’s wise to have 16 cats and 15 beers in the picture, or three girls you can’t get in your photos. It should only be you in your photos and that is very important.”
Whether candid or staged, you still want to look your best, says Stanger. Opt for solid colors, or timeless classics like a black dress, or a red top and a pair of jeans that won’t look dated in a year or two.
The matchmaking maven, who grew up in the Millburn-Short Hills area, notes that daters in New Jersey and New York are a lot more direct than those looking for love on the West Coast, where evasiveness permeates profiles, wasting both time and energy.
“Say, ‘This is who I am, and this is what I want,'” she advises. “If you’re in the market for a long-term relationship, say it ’cause you want to deter the hook-up guy like you’ll find on Tinder. You also need to say what you’re looking for. If you’re successful and seeking an affluent gentleman, you gotta say it. Ask for what you want.”
Another way to spare yourself potential heartache Stanger notes is to make the date on the phone rather than via text.
“Do your vetting on the call,” she says. “You need to hear his voice to see if he’s someone you’d be attracted to. If you have kids, tell him. Get everything out of the way on the phone to know if you still want to go ahead with the date.”
Don’t lose heart
We’ve all heard that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince or princess. But for those who are losing heart on the journey to their happily-ever-after, Stanger says, remember: “You can’t get insecure and think there’s nobody left, because all it takes is one.”
In her book, Becoming Your Own Matchmaker, Stanger addresses how to stay positive and fight the fatigue that can go hand-in-hand with searching for “the one.”
“There’s a dating detox chapter, which teaches you how to detox after negative dates, or if you’ve been out of the game for a while, or if you’ve just keep going, going, going, and years are going by and you still haven’t met anyone you like. It depends on what stage of development you’re at, but I do believe mediation is a saving grace,” she says.
Keeping a relationship fresh
Once you’ve found your partner, don’t get complacent — especially with a romantic holiday looming, Stanger cautions. With easy-to-use apps like Open Table and Resy, there’s no excuse for not making Valentine’s Day reservations. She advises going to favorite places as opposed to new ones where service could be less than stellar, causing your date to take a downturn.
“Plan a fun date,” she says. “Do something you enjoy: going to the theater, going to the beach, getting a bottle of wine and watching the sunset. You’ve got to find your thing. If you don’t plan anything, if you don’t get the flowers, and you don’t get the gift, and you don’t get him something, no one’s getting laid that night. You can’t go, ‘Oh it’s just a Hallmark holiday. I’m not really into Valentine’s Day.’ No, every girl’s into Valentine’s Day and every guy should be if he wants to get some…”
Connect with Patti
For those who are out of town or can’t make it to see Stanger on her first tour, check out her website, PattiKnows.com and register to be included in her weekly webinars. Fans can also get the latest advice on love, dating and relationships.
For more information about Stanger’s upcoming appearance, visit Mayo PAC’s website.